Overstimulation, and being whipped.

I've been completely out of my comfort zone these past few months. First I quit my job. The very same job that gave me a lot of crap to blog about, to get off my chest. The one that gave me anxiety, and tears on a daily basis. How did I last nearly 5 years? How did I not snap a long ass time ago? There were very few people at the Rockwall store that I would call friends. Don't get me wrong, I've met some AMAZING people, but most of them were at the Paris store. I hadn't been unemployed since Malachi was 3 months old... And here he is already 5! I don't want to say my time was wasted, because overall it was a learning experience. I can't help but still feel like my misery was for nothing. I got lucky and was hired soon after for an "office job"... When in reality I was doing things that required me to come into contact with a lot of people, outside my own element. Definitely not used to that. Even luckier, Chris told me to quit once I had landed an interview at an even better office... A real office. To go to the initial interview I had to drive on 635. Anyone who knows me ought to know that scares the bejeezus out of me. I did it like a pro. A few times actually. I met some wondeful ladies, impressed 3 more, and got the call telling me I got the job before I had even made it out of the building! I peed in a cup, signed up for direct deposit... I started my first week and I had a blast. I've met a lot of people that remind me of people I already know... I'm anxious to see the friendships to come out of this experience. Last Monday I was exploring an alternate route home, under a stoplight my car DIED. I was mortified. Of course there were tears. I'm emotional, I can't fool you. Luckily some cops were nearby, as well as the towing service we use. $300 later we fixed the 2nd car in a week for us. A week before Chris had to have his clutch replaced. That was a fun few days of Mr.Worry-Wart stressing out. While all this was going on (job switching/lack of fundange/work schedule) I haven't been going to derby practice. I'm ashamed because there were times I probably could've gone, but chickened out. Yeah, I chickened out. It's so intimidating to me to see these AMAZING skaters, and know I'm not on par. My expectations for my self are too high right now too... I tend to do that. BUT tonight, after my 5th day at my new job, I sucked it up and went. I was begging my friends for motivation! I need someone to ride my ass. I love the sport, and I love the women I'm meeting every practice/bout... I just have to get over my irrational fears of not measuring up and failing. I figure this is all pretty darn normal. Tonight I learned so much. When I t-stop I can make the wheel grinding noise that is SOOO AWESOME TO HEAR!!! I learned how to baseball slide, did a little obstacle course twice... Had my first pack drill! That was some scary fuckin shit. Then I had my trucks loosened by Dad, which hopefully will make that drill easier next time! During that drill I was whipped... A lot. It was awesome. Practice was awesome. These girls are awesome. I'm feeling awesome. <3 It's been a crazy as shit, stressful as hell past few months... But we're on the road to awesome. <3 By the by... My skater name is OFFICIALLY: Anxia T. Attacks! #15mg. Be jealous, bitches. <3 Happy Birthday to one of my best friends, Rocky! Love you, Lesbin!!!<3

"The mirrors are all busted, and someones crying, must've been the pills I took."

Here's how I know I've grown up or matured... I was reminiscing over a summer of rockstars, alcohol, piercings, tats and being awesome... Then I remembered I wasn't even 21 yet. And I was slightly disappointed in all those friends who bought me beer/liquor. LOL I've DEFINITELY changed as I've grown (recently even). Here's to better changes, as I continue to grow, into the woman I intend to be.

<3

PS

Hank III <3<3<3

Crazy shiiioottt.

Is it crazy, that I am head over feet (Alanis refernece :P) in love with a contact sport? And that I'm training to play it? Or that I'm also in love with the AMAZING women I've been meeting that play it as well?
I think so...because it hurts to sit down.

Pain is only temporary though, all my wounds from my first practice, will heal and make room for new ones.

I'm sure I'm going to make some bonds and acquire some friendships that will last me my lifetime. <3

And that I am so thankful for.

I cried on the way home from my first practice last night. Not because my butt was aching, or my fingers on my right hand were super sore. Because of the things I learned tonight, and the women who helped me do AMAZING things, on skates.

What IS crazy is the store flooding. THAT was nuts.

Long story short, a water line busted flooded the foundation, water was shooting up through the cracks in the concrete. It was nuts. It took them 3 hours to handle a potentially dangerous situation last Saturday morning. All week we've had crews in here cleaning/repairing/stocking etc... It was nuts.

I haven't been back to work since. I was told I could take that Sunday off if I wanted, so I did. I wasn't scheduled to go in again until today, and whoa buddy! It's soooo crazy not dealing with customers...Except I am...I'm answering the phone, as well as their nosey/dumb questions....

"Do ya'll have lettuce plants in? Is garden open?"

Seriously.

And a whole lotta "what happened?" questions..blah.

I intended to write more...but... Later.

When I picture our future together in Canada...

(A note I wrote to Chris...)

When I picture our future together in Canada, I picture us living in a really neat home with an established backyard garden/oasis... You have a job/hobby you love, and I manage our businesses from home. We have Malachi and maybe a few more kiddos in our household...and maybe a nanny? lol. The image I have in my head is probably literally from a magazine. I wanna live near the coast and wilderness. I want to take trips into the city, and go camping/fishing/hiking. I want to be surrounded by friends old and new, friends that can offer us culture, encouragement, memories and great laughs.
I want to have nice dinner parties with our friends, and go to nice dinner parties. I wan to be successful and proud of what we have, and who we are. I don't just mean material things either. I want to maintain a relationship with you that makes our friends and family jealous. I want to be in shape, and have long beautiful hair. I want lots of nice tattoos and a sweet dog. I want more ferrets, and pets in general. I want project cars for you, and creative outlets for each of us. I want to have beautiful Christmases, memorable family traditions, and flawless dinners. I want a clean house, and happy healthy children. But most importantly I want to be with YOU. <3